In order to know virtue, we must first acquaint ourselves with vice.

―Marquis de Sade

Love ceases to be a pleasure when it ceases to be a secret.

―Aphra Ben, The Lover’s Watch

Behavior & Conduct

There are many good reasons not to embark on an affair with someone else’s partner, so, before rushing in, make sure you evaluate the chances of a successful outcome and weigh carefully the risks and repercussions posed to both of you.

A crush can easily become an infatuation and an infatuation a violent obsession: broken sleep, loss of appetite, enfeeblement, the loss of all sense of propriety and reason may follow, and even, at the extremity, so poets tell us, madness, unconsciousness, and death.

Sex gurus of the past say: ‘Before jumping in, judge the other person’s temperament, sexual energy, availability, and stability of character from their demeanor and bearing.’

Vatsyayana says: ‘Demeanor can be misleading. Pay more attention to the person’s specific body language and the signals they’re sending you.’

It’s not uncommon for the one doing most of the pursuing in an affair to become bored after their perceived conquest. Similarly, such a one is likely to prefer a person who is (or plays) hard to get.

There are many reasons why someone else’s partner might rebuff your attempts to initiate an affair.

Because they love their partner, want to protect their children, or believe they have moved beyond such an adolescent stage of life.

Perhaps they are unhappy or feel trapped in their relationship and cannot imagine escaping it.

They may be angry if they feel your advances are not sufficiently respectful.

They may be worried about your lack of financial means, your indiscretion, or your sexual abandon.

They may be contemptuous of your social standing, your age, your inability to read simple emotional signals, your reticence, or your sexual timidity.

They may think you’re a tease, a trap, or a test.

Or, of course, they may also pass for moral or religious reasons.

In each case, you must figure out the main obstacle and how to overcome it.

Overcome worry by gaining trust. Gloom by geniality. Contempt by prowess. Bashfulness or reserve by your own humility.

Moral objections will typically melt away in the heat of the moment.

The sorts of people who are successful at seduction know the Kama Sutra, can tell stories, converse well, have a ready wit, establish rapport quickly, have a romantic temperament, plenty of sexual experience, and are popular with people from all walks of life. They need to be bold, courageous, impetuous, and to surpass the person’s current partner in learning, looks, culture, dress, and lifestyle.

On the other hand, someone will be relatively easy to start an affair with if they are bold, direct and clearly on the lookout for excitement, especially if they have a partner who puts them down, travels a lot, is not their equal in intelligence, or who is impotent, prudish, indecisive or unkind.  

Sexual attraction
Strikes spontaneously.
Fan the flames for
Inextinguishable fire.

Knowing the angles
Reading the signs
Admit no impediment
Prevail every time.

First Encounters

Scholars say: ‘Single people you can seduce yourself. For other people’s partners, you may need a mutual friend’.

Vatsyayana says: ‘Acting by yourself is always most effective. Use a go-between only if you have to.’

Your first meeting may be spontaneous or planned. Speak boldly and strive for intimacy from the very first moment.

You should be gazing at the other person all the time, sending subtle signals: catching their eye, smiling warmly, playing with your jewelry, twisting your hair, biting your lower lip, and so on.

Find some pretext to talk to your friends about the person you’re trying to seduce while they’re around.

Talk about the Kama Sutra, too, when the person is within earshot, but without looking at them, so their overhearing appears accidental.

As you become better acquainted, find excuses to see each other frequently. Lend objects and, later, retrieve them.

If the other person needs anything, especially anything beautiful, take the trouble and time to buy it for them.

One transaction will lead to another, and in doing these things you will get to spend more time with them, win their trust, and also be seen out and about in public with them.

Whenever they need something doing, a skill or a service, show your devotion by accomplishing it yourself, or impress them by showing that you have the resources and connections to get it done. Become indispensable!

Discuss the best ways of doing things, provide advice on matters large and small, find ways to remind the other person how smart and amazing they are, especially when the two of you disagree on some point.

Once you’ve become emotionally intimate, and the other person has signaled their openness to your advances, you can begin to make sexual overtures.

At this point of the affair, share personal possessions with each other: swap rings, jewelry, perfumes, flowers, scarves, and other items of clothing.

Through repeated encounters like this you’ll make the other person feel comfortable and connected with you.

If you’re pursuing two people at the same time, never use the same locations!

Don’t go after people
Who are under the thumb
Scared of the dark or
Protected by guns.

Never fuck in a bed
Your lover’s lover
Has already been
Unfaithful in. Ugh!

Reading Minds

Once you’ve started making overtures to someone with whom you’d like to start an affair, you need to interpret what’s going on behind their behavior.

If the other person won’t agree a next date with you and yet keeps responding to your messages, you know they’re on the fence and you’ll need to proceed slowly.

If you can’t get a straight answer out of them, then you’ll need to ask a mutual friend to intercede and get to the bottom of it.

If they won’t give you a next date and yet you keep bumping into them in your usual haunts and they’re dressed up like they’re out on the pull, then you’ve got a good shot if you can get them alone for a minute.

If you’ve been out plenty but can’t get past first base, then you might need to call it a day. Maybe they’re stringing you along. But maybe they’re not. The human mind is so hard to read!

If they’ve been out on a few dates with you and then abruptly call the whole thing off, you’ve still got a good shot, but it’ll be tricky to navigate, and you may need a mutual friend to help you figure out what it is that they’re worried about.

If, after a few dates, they start insulting you and treating you badly, you should definitely call it off. (Unless they’re the type who enjoys behaving badly and you get a kick out of being treated that way).

If, when you touch the other person, they obviously permit you to touch them, but they don’t respond and pretend not to notice it, then you know they’re on the fence and you’ll have to go slowly.

For instance, perhaps they pretend to be asleep, or do in fact doze off, when you’re out at a concert or event together, and they don’t object to you putting your arm around them.

If, on waking, they don’t reciprocate but also don’t object, you’re probably in good shape.

If, on waking, they do object, for instance by moving your hand away, but then carry on with you as normal the next day, then you’re probably OK but you’ll have to go slowly.

If, on the other hand, they do object and then refuse to see you again, you’re pretty screwed and your only hope is to reach out to them – penitently – through a mutual friend.

None of this applies if there’s an unequal power dynamic between the two of you! If you’re not sure whether the power dynamic between you is on an equal footing, then you need to stop touching people and start thinking.

Sometimes the tables may be turned, with your counter party revealing their feelings to you in private while you remain inscrutable, closed or insensible. If a mutual friend is reaching out to you with questions about how you feel about someone, that’s probably what’s going on!

If the signals are clear
And signs point to desire
Don’t hang around:
Bold moves are best.

Once in a while
You’ll meet come to bed eyes
In which case, go for it
Don’t hesitate, act.

You: stumbling, bungling
Tongue-tied, inept.
A come-on in this case
Means they’re desperate for sex.

Timorous souls call for
Techniques subtle and shrewd.
Frank adventurous hearts,
Open to action, merely need

Advice for Go-Betweens

If you’re trying to help a besotted friend win someone over, here’s how to do it.

First, convince the lucky person of your good intentions, good character, and good company. As you chat with them, be flattering – praise their looks, their charm, their kindness, their intelligence – and swap stories to gain their confidence.

Then, when you’ve won their trust, ask them what they see in their current partner.

‘You’re so dynamic! How did you fall for someone who’s so laid back?!’

‘But you’re so open and generous! Don’t you find them a bit reserved?’

Try out a wide range of potential put-downs on the person’s partner. Are they irritable, indecisive or lacking in ambition? Are they lazy, stupid, cowardly or mean? Perhaps they are timid, unimaginative, selfish, or unfaithful?

Have some nerve: throw whatever darts seem likely to land.

If anything sticks, double down on it. Pay particular attention to hints that things are less than perfect in the bedroom.

Gonikaputra says: ‘Once you’ve won the person’s trust, you need to move the conversation on to sexual topics, subtly at first, then more brazenly.’

You need to get it across that the friend you’re on a mission for is not only bright, kind, funny, successful etc, not only dynamite in bed, but also suddenly head-over-heels infatuated with the person you’re talking to.

If you can see you’ve piqued their interest, really go for it the next time you meet. Exaggerate tales of your friend’s appetites and abilities between the sheets. Describe past relationships they’ve had with beautiful and successful people – real if you’ve got the material, embroidered if you don’t.

At some stage your mission’s going to be rumbled and your role unmasked. When this happens, freely admit that you’re just acting as a stooge for your friend. That’s fine: you’re getting to the nub of it!

At this point, your target is likely to start bad-mouthing your friend. Listing all their bad points, accusing them of being fake, unfaithful, fickle, treacherous. Good! They’re emotionally engaged!

Respond by reminding them of the positive encounters they’ve had with your friend. If they take it from there, great. If not, help them out.

Your job is basically done at this point. You want to finish things by presenting some token of affection from your friend: a small gift, a love letter, a message they sent to you that manifests your friend’s infatuation and intentions.

If you can inveigle some reciprocal token or message to take back to your friend, you’re golden.

At the very least, you want permission to keep acting as a go-between, to be able to meet with and talk to the object of your friend’s affections while you act, explicitly now, on your friend’s behalf.

If you’re playing the role of go-between, know what type of go-between you are, so you don’t do too little, or too much.

Impartial Matchmaker

In the best case, the two protagonists know each other well and you are good friends with both of them. You know the minds of each of them, are in a position to act judiciously in their best interests, and you behave as an independent, generous, and fair-minded matchmaker. Here your role is to act under your own steam on behalf of both of them until the mission is accomplished or until instructed otherwise.

Appointed Envoy

In this case, the two protagonists know each other less well and you are good friends with only one of them. Here your role is limited to setting up a first meeting, and they will need to take it from there.

Mere Messenger

If you’re not especially good friends with either party, all you can do is pass on their messages to each other. If you’re diligent, you can try to help them figure out good times and places to meet.


You don’t know either party at all and are limited to passing sealed or coded messages between the two of them that you can’t read or understand.

Self-Serving Ambassador

If you’re only acting as go-between for your friend because you really fancy the person yourself, then obviously you’ll act quite differently! You use the romance of the intrigue to your own advantage, put down your friend, and chastise your crush for being interested in such a weak case.

Double Agent

In this case, you are an acquaintance of the partner of the person with whom your friend wants to start an affair. You give information to the partner, in the hope it gets passed on, or else you try to stir up trouble between them.

Naive Partner

In this case, your own partner gets you to do the dirty work, without you realizing. You talk up your the best qualities of your partner, including their skills in the bedroom, to the very person they want to bed.

Winged Messenger

You are a master of nuance, double-entendre and secret codes between lovers. Utilizing pre-agreed signals and conventions known to both protagonists, you convey their messages to each other as invisibly as the wind. Your only rule is that you own the full loop, conveying both the message and its reply.

Recruit your go-between
From workmates, friends,
Confidantes, household staff ―
Someone within their circle of

Your messenger must undermine
The current spouse
Instead extol your virtues
Your expertise in bed,

Tell how, despite your sexual
You spurn other lovers
However hot they are
For the sake of your beloved.

A quick-witted agent
Corrects for your mistakes
Finds the right words
When yours have been misspoke.

Celebrities & Politicians

People in power
Shouldn’t fool around:
Everyone knows their faces
Imitates their acts.

When the sun rises
The people wake up
But when the sun sets
The people don’t stop.

The rich and famous should not behave badly. They risk public censure, and rightly so, as they are role models for society at large.

It is, of course, quite common for people in positions of power to obtain sexual gratification by blackmail or coercion, or by promising to help people in their careers or improve their fortunes or those of their loved ones.

This is especially true when the disempowered party has low income, low status or is socially vulnerable.

In such cases, intermediaries will frequently be used, alcohol or drugs used to intoxicate the victim, and at the end of the encounter, instructions given to keep quiet about it.

Those in power cheat
Bully and lie, stealing
Sex from people via
Force, drugs, and guile.

Great people refrain
Overcoming lust
Anger, greed, envy
Poor judgement and pride.

Guarding Against Infidelity

Within a household, whether monogamous or polyamorous, dildos, strap-ons, and other sex aids should be used to ensure that everyone is sexually satisfied. There’s more on this later.

You can improvise a dildo from a vegetable, fruit or any other object that has the right shape, and use it on yourself or on others.

Even if you have a cock, you may still need to wear a strap-on if you’re trying to fuck many lovers on the same night or your libido is running low and you just can’t get it up.

You can, of course, masturbate yourself or stimulate your partner by hand, without recourse to any sex aids.

The main causes of infidelity are frequent or lengthy absences, long-distance relationships, having unfettered access to new potential partners, partying too much, jealousy, anger, violence, or the prior infidelity of the other partner.

If you know this tract
Its tips and its tricks
For seducing spouses
You’ll never be betrayed.

Never cheat on your own
Or seduce other people’s
Not if you want to amass
Purpose or power.

Study these secrets to
Protect your partnership
Not wreck those of others
Nor corrupt the populace.